One Neat Trick to Live Forever

imgres-2A Harvard study proves that vampires had the right idea all along. Scientists kept transfusing mice with “young” blood and saw a reversal of the aging process.

Since we all want eternal youth, the question is where will this young blood come from? Family members? Hey kids, you don’t have to visit your Nana in Florida, just FedEx her a pint of the imgresgood stuff. This could be a great way to help our sluggish economy. Why not sell a quart a month and start paying off those student loans? There might need to be some restrictions. Quality control. Your buyers could insist on assurances you hadn’t tainted the product. Perhaps they could put you up someplace where they could watch you? Make sure you didn’t hang out with the wrong people, eat the wrong things or take dangerous chances with their product. Are you comfortable, my pretty?

imgres-1Ok. Most people wouldn’t want this as a future for their kids. Is there perhaps a class of people from whom we will get our young blood? What about all those poor children at our border? Maybe we can make a deal – a donation every month in return for a green card and citizenship at age 30 or maybe 40, depending on just how young the blood needs to be. We live in a world where some have done well by selling a kidney, renting their wombs, or other such endeavors. Blood is renewable resource if you don’t get greedy.

Iimages can see spas on beautiful islands in developing countries where the purest virgin blood will be available, along with deluxe accommodations, gourmet food and massage packages.

But I digress. I meant to write about vampires, not humans. Vampires are mythical creatures who are nothing like us. We would never act as they do.

(The above is satire. I know it’s a tough concept but sheesh people… BTW, did you hear about my book?)

One thought on “One Neat Trick to Live Forever

  1. fatguyfromqueens

    Be careful what u wish for. Paul Ryan and the repubs will make farming your own blood welfare reform!!!!

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